


Bridal Chorus

by lethargicProfessor



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1420405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lethargicProfessor/pseuds/lethargicProfessor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>goodluckdetective asked you:<br/>Fluff prompt: In a bid to teach Bruce a lesson about paying attention to his kids, the Batfamily pretends that Batkid/ orAlfred and character of choice, got married and he missed the whole thing. If the married couple makes less sense the better (they didn't actually marry/dating, it's just a joke. So no shipping, just fake shipping)</p>
<p>For Goodluckdetective's Fluff War</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bridal Chorus

“I bet you he wouldn’t notice if we set the dinosaur on fire,” Jason said, idly peeling an orange as they watched Bruce pace in front of the computers.

Dick snorted as he leaned back in his chair, balancing a stress ball on his nose. “I’d take you up on that, but I _like_ the dinosaur.”

“He wouldn’t notice even if you did,” Tim replied, flicking the ball off Dick’s nose with a rubber band. “He won’t notice anything unless it seriously interferes with his case.”

Damian glanced up from his phone, frowning. “It’s a serious case. You shouldn’t be bothering Father with this nonsense anyways.”

“Would he notice if we set the kid on fire?” Jason ducked under the sudden onslaught of office supplies, grinning. “I’m kidding, jeez. But seriously, we could do _anything_ and he wouldn’t notice.”

Dick tilted his head curiously, humming. “Anything like…I dunno, set up a circus on the grounds?”

“Alfred would kill you,” Tim said, rolling his chair closer. “But yeah. Something big.”

“Any ideas?” Jason leaned in, and even Damian seemed intrigued as the boys huddled close. Tim shook his head, scrolling through his phone.

“No, but I have a feeling I know someone who might.”

* * *

 

“This is going to be _amazing_ ,” Steph laughed, draping herself dramatically on the recliner in the small flat. Jason sat on the floor, resting his head on Babs’ knee, grinning as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“I second that, yeah. How long ‘til Cass gets here?” Tim glanced up from his tablet, lifting it when Dick threw his legs onto lap.

“Two hours, give or take.”

Dick sprawled out beside Tim, reaching over to drag Damian close. “That gives us two hours to plan…whatever it is we’re doing.”

“Steph has something that could work,” Babs said, rolling closer to the blonde. Jason groaned, but relocated to Steph’s other side, setting his head on her lap. She laughed, ruffling his hair, and nodded.

“One of you should get married. Not Damian, obviously, because that’s super gross and illegal, but yeah!”

“Not to mention, who’d wanna marry the kid in the first place?” Jason drawled, catching the couch cushion thrown at his head. Damian growled, pushing Tim out of the way to get the other cushion.

“You’re one to talk, Todd. You’re a murderer and a wanted criminal.” Jason shrugged, blowing a kiss to the younger boy, laughing as he hissed.

“If they really loved me, they’d look past that, you know.”

Steph rolled her eyes, covering his mouth. “ _Anyways_ , one of you should get married, but not Damian because he’s like, five, and not Jason, because he’s a prick.”

“I am a _delight_!”

“I am not _five_ , you insufferable—“

Dick smiled, pressing Damian to his chest to smother the impending rant. “Right. So that leaves me and Tim.”

“He would probably believe you more,” Tim pointed out, moving away from Damian as he sat on the couch. Dick shrugged, glancing at Babs, who pointedly looked away.

“You know what would really make him shit bricks?” Jason grinned, looking up. “If _Cass_ got hitched and he didn’t know.”

Steph gasped, nodding slowly. “It’s perfect! We all know he likes Cass more than any of you losers anyways.”

“We don’t know if she’ll say yes, though,” Tim said. “And even if she did, who would she get “married” to? And have it be believable?”

“Superboy.” Babs opened up her laptop, tapping quickly at the keys. “There’s plenty of pictures of them on file. They’re cute together.”

“If we could get the Kents involved too, Bruce would buy it, right?” Dick sat up, bouncing in his seat. “I could talk to Clark if Tim gets Kon.”

“Yeah, yeah, make it a little farm wedding type…deal. Like the Kents didn’t want any big paparazzi deal, just the kids.” Jason waved at Steph. “You could talk to Kara and convince her to get Ma and Pa to call Alfie to invite him.”

“Go big or go home, huh?” Tim turned off his tablet, fishing for his phone. “I can get Kon here in a few minutes. If Mr. Kent isn’t too busy, I’m sure Dick can persuade him to help us out.”

“It would be kinda nice to visit Smallville for a weekend.” Dick leaned back. “If Bruce asks where any of us are, we can just tell him we had a prior engagement in Smallville.”

“If he even notices,” Steph said. “And if Cass is willing to do it.”

“It’s not like it’s a real wedding, though. It’ll just be a nice dinner with the Kents where we’ll take lots of pictures that we’ll photoshop the crap out of.” Jason stood, stretching. “I’ll let Alfie know if you guys handle the happy couple.”

“Would an anonymous tip to Vicki Vale be too much?” Tim asked, nodding to himself, presumably waiting for Kon to pick up his phone. “Probably.”

“Let’s not go too overboard. Just between us.” Dick waved at Jason as he slipped out the window.

“If it is not enough to convince Father, Miss Vale would probably be a plausible Plan B,” Damian muttered, kicking Tim off the couch. “If you feel the need to follow through with this plan, of course.”

“I thought Plan B was setting the dinosaur on fire.”

 

* * *

After what felt like weeks tracking down leads on a possible super-criminal organization, Bruce finally closed the case. It was really nothing but rumors, but it never hurt to be too careful in Gotham.

Exhausted, he left the cave, squinting at the bright sunlight streaming into the study. He blinked owlishly for a few minutes, adjusting to the change in light, and slowly made his way down to the kitchen. He would eat a nice meal for once, shower, and sleep for a couple of hours before patrol. Maybe, if he got Dick to cover for him, he could sleep in.

Sudden laughter made him stop in his tracks, staring at the kitchen door. Muffled voices and more laughter filled the air, followed by Titus’ barks. Curious, he pushed the door open, walking inside.

Dick and Tim were huddled together, laughing at what seemed to be pictures, passing them on to Jason, who passed them to Steph and Cass. The girls giggled together, pointing at the pictures, whispering softly to each other before bursting into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Dick asked, glancing up. “Hey Bruce.”

Bruce nodded as the rest of his children vaguely greeted him, opting to huddle around Cass and the mysterious pictures. His daughter laughed softly, holding the picture up to her brothers. “Jason has grass stains on his suit.”

The second Robin huffed, embarrassed, as the rest of his siblings laughed. “It’s not my fault! If _someone_ had kept a leash on a certain Great Dane, then I wouldn’t have been tackled down by him and the superdog.”

“Krypto?” Bruce wandered closer, thanking Alfred as he brought a cup of coffee over. “When did you see Krypto?”

“At the wedding, duh.” The rest of his children nodded, as if it were obvious, and continued sharing pictures with each other. Bruce turned to Alfred for an explanation.

The elder butler smiled serenely, setting breakfast down in front of him. “It was a wonderful affair, sir. I’m sure you would have enjoyed it. Master Timothy was sure to provide enough pictures to show you afterwards.”

Tim grinned, looking up. “I’m almost done developing the last batch. I would have finished sooner, but someone lost the film.”

Dick smiled sheepishly, planting a kiss on Cass’s head. “Look, I said I was sorry! I was just really excited and I wanted to see if I could get the pictures developed faster.”

“You almost ruined the pictures of the actual ceremony,” Damian tutted softly, sharing part of his sausage with Titus.

Steph rolled her eyes, grabbing the pictures from Tim’s hands to continue sifting through them. “So, how does it feel to be super-hyphenated, Cass? Or should I say Mrs. Kent-Wayne?”

Bruce must have made some sort of sound, because his children all turned to stare at him with varying degrees of surprise. “ _What?”_

Tim frowned, looking up at Dick. “Did…no one actually tell Bruce…?”

“I tried,” Jason said, raising his hand. “Alfie was there with me, but…” He shrugged.

Alfred gently pried the fork out of Bruce’s grip. “Master Bruce, you were indisposed when we received the call from the Kents inviting us to the wedding, and as we could not postpone the event with everyone’s schedules, we all went in your stead.”

“It was really beautiful,” Steph nodded, shifting through the pictures to slide one over. “Dick had to walk Cass down the aisle, but it was fantastic.”

The picture did indeed show Cass and Dick, his daughter in a beautiful flowing gown, his son in a fitted black tux, walking arm in arm down a small array of chairs. The rest of his children were seated, watching the procession, along with some of their friends. Clark was there, standing beside Conner Kent and a _priest_. If Alfred hadn’t taken his fork away, Bruce would have stabbed himself with it.

“You got… _married_. And you didn’t _tell me_.” He wasn’t sure what his voice was doing, but he hoped it wasn’t as horrified as he felt.

Dick coughed, looking away. “We did, though. Alfie told you, and Cass came in and told you. Clark said he tried to call you but you turned him away.”

He vaguely remembered a call from Clark, but he had a fresh lead on the case he couldn’t brush away at the time, and he said he would call back.

“You really got married…?” Cass nodded solemnly, and watched as he flopped back in his chair like the wind had been knocked out of him.

Every awful thought about being a bad father crowded into his head, and he was about to apologize profusely when Tim slipped out his phone, and took a picture.

Jason wheezed, pushing away from the table to stumble outside. Even through the thick doors, they could hear his laughter punctuated by coughing. Dick covered his mouth, stifling giggles as Steph leaned back and cackled. Even Damian cracked a smile, and Tim and Cass shared a look.

“Jesus, Bruce, your _face_ is priceless…!” Dick snorted, leaning on Tim as his shoulders heaved with laughter. Tim was trying hard to stay composed, but even he started snickering, taking pictures while he still could. Jason peeked back into the room, but immediately turned away, laughing harder.

Again, Bruce turned to Alfred for an explanation. The older man smiled, amused. “Your children were feeling neglected, sir, and felt the need to teach you a lesson.”

Cass smiled sweetly, taking the picture back from his slack hands. “You can walk me down the aisle next time.”


End file.
